


without limits, just be yourself

by rikotan



Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Idols, Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, I blame drinking beer and milo in the middle of the night, M/M, fluff if you squint, i am truly not sorry, i finally wrote rinharu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-22
Updated: 2014-08-22
Packaged: 2018-02-14 06:17:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2181120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rikotan/pseuds/rikotan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>rin wants out, even though he loves being an idol</p>
            </blockquote>





	without limits, just be yourself

**Author's Note:**

> title is taken from the lyrics of 残響 -feedback- by ono kenshou _(bakumatsu rock character song)_. the whole fic is loosely based on the song as well.
> 
> tyvm to [yunnings](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ladylolli/pseuds/yunnings) for beta

A rush of adrenaline coursed through his body. The stage started to elevate and instructions were being given through their in-ear monitors. They could hear the calls of the fans. The music has started to play and with rehearsed lines, they were in the spotlight.

 

“Are all of you ready?” Rin’s voice had echoed throughout the stadium, earning many screams from their fans. A chuckle escaped Makoto’s lips and it was amplified through the mic, “Let’s enjoy our time together!”

 

Opening his eyes, Haruka was met with the brightness of the stage, and the backs of his two band members. _‘Take your places, we are starting the song in 5, 4...’_ came from their in-ear monitors, and they took their place.

 

“Splash free,” the fans’ scream was deafening. With rehearsed moves, their bodies flowed with the beat to their song. The lyrics came naturally to them, and they shone on stage.

 

The concert has started.

 

* * *

 

“What do you mean you want to quit?” Haruka had grabbed Rin’s arm, only to be shook off. “Exactly what it means, I am done with being an idol.” Looking at Rin’s features, Haruka was taken aback. The aura around him was different.

 

Rin was different.

 

_(The Rin he knows would smile like the sun, but it was the opposite. It was like Rin was shrouded in anger and some other emotions that Haruka was unable to pin-point.)_

 

Haruka remembers how he got into the entertainment industry; it was non-other than Matsuoka Rin that decided that they would go for the audition together. For the longest time that he knows Rin, Rin was always smiling _(and not that he would tell anyone but he likes it when Rin smiles)_. But now, the reason for why he is here - as an idol - in the first place is going away. “So you are just going to leave us … leave me?” Hurt was apparent in Haruka’s expression.

 

For someone as emotionally conservative as Haruka, Rin knows how much Haruka doesn’t want him to leave. ‘But I can’t stay on anymore, not like this,’

 

“I’m sorry, Haru.”

 

And with that, Rin left.

 

* * *

 

He was sitting down in the park; his hoodie was down as he allowed his hair to be matted down by the rain. Rin knows that there were people looking but he wasn’t moving an inch from where he sat. The rain continued to pour and Rin’s heart continues to sink.

 

Unshed tears were fresh in his eyes, and to no one in particular, a small whisper escaped his parted lips. “I don’t want to leave.”

 

And he didn’t. Rin enjoys being an idol. He enjoys it truly even if the trainings were gruesome _(and it makes Rin want to sleep in till the late afternoon)_. Even if there were times his schedules were packed _(but not anymore recently)_. Rin _had_ enjoyed singing and dancing, but it was now a chore.

 

Sure he had appeared in dramas, but the last one was at least two years ago.

 

He knows he shouldn’t feel like this. Rin _should_ be happy, but he wasn’t. No, he was sincerely happy for Makoto and Haruka for having work; however the feeling of envy had consumed him. Bitter laughter escaped his lips before he buried his face into his palms.

 

* * *

 

“Are you tired, Rin?” Said man had only laughed at Makoto’s question, before he shook his head. “Why would I be? I have much more free time compared to you and Haru,” he had shown Makoto a toothy grin as he toweled down and started to rehydrate himself. Makoto could’ve sworn that he saw a dark look pass Rin features, but it disappeared before he could be sure.

 

“Rin, are you alright?”

 

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that Makoto? Are you getting enough sleep?” Worry was expressed on Rin’s expression, and Makoto could only shrug off what he had been thinking to the back of his mind.

 

“I’m fine Rin; I’m fine.”

 

* * *

 

The final blow that made Rin desperately want out was probably when their manager told them about the prospect of Haruka debuting as a solo artist.

 

“You mean Haru going solo?” Rin was the first person that voiced out what he was thinking during the meeting.

 

Their manager had only nodded, she was clearly elated. “It’s a rare chance so you should do it, Nanase-kun.” Turning to look at the said-person, Rin only saw Haruka looking down at the table.

“Let me think about it,”

 

And Rin felt his world come crashing down. He wants out.

 

* * *

 

“Nanase-kun, we hope that you would write a song for your solo debut.” He didn’t want to be here. No, Haruka had never thought about going solo. It was never a thing for him. However, according to the company, he has a talent in writing songs that resonate with the public _(which led to his popularity to rocket throughout the years their group has been active)_.

 

Haruka knows that he didn’t want to be in the limelight. It was something that he can live without _(and very much want nothing to do with it, though that was impossible seeing that he was part of an idol group)_. And he thinks back about Rin.

 

Unlike Haruka, Rin shone under the limelight. Rin was the one that brought smiles to everyone; he was the one that would help Haruka on the days he was feeling under the weather when they have an interview or a filming for a variety show _(and thus Haruka would hardly talk)_.

 

But Rin wanted out.

 

“Also, we were thinking abou-” “Manager,” He had cut her off without thinking.

 

“Yes, Nanase-kun?”

 

“I’m not going solo. I will only write for the group, nothing else.” With that, he had left the room, leaving his manager behind.

 

* * *

 

“Nii-chan, are you in?”

 

He doesn’t remember the last time he got out of his apartment. The last time he was out of his apartment, Rin was in the park, drenched to the bone.

 

And that was probably a week ago.

 

Before that, a week and a day ago, he told Haru and Makoto that he was going to quit _(and he was still standing strong for quitting)_. Ruffling his hair, Rin had trudged towards the door before Gou decided to attempt to call the police or something.

 

“What is it, Go-” swinging open the door, Rin stopped in the middle of his sentence.

 

Standing in front of him wasn’t just his sister. Behind her was Nanase Haruka.

 

“Rin.”

 

“What do you want, Haru?” He had sneered at his friend – his rival – only to get a look from Gou. “I’m going to leave both of you to do whatever needs to be done, but I want both of you back in one piece.” It was a warning from the younger Matsuoka, before she took her leave.

 

“Whatever, come inside.”

 

And Haruka gladly followed Rin inside.

 

* * *

 

They sat down at the living area, and no one spoke. Not until Rin grunted, “What are you here for?”

 

Looking at Haruka who was sitting opposite of him, he realized how haggard the other looked. “God, Haru, have you even been sleeping or eating,” quickly standing up, he had gone over to the kitchen to get something for Haruka. Hot tea and a plate of sandwiches were placed in front of Haruka, in which he had gladly accepted the food. “Rin, come back with me.”

 

It wasn’t shocking, but Rin would have thought Haruka would have more tact in breaking the news of why he was here. “I’ve told you -”

 

Before Rin could finish his sentence, Haruka had cut him off, “Rin, listen to me.”

 

“Fine, go ahead and attempt to convince me.” His arms were crossed, waiting for whatever reason Haruka would give him, to encourage him to go back. In the first place, Rin shouldn’t have left. In the first place, Rin had wanted to sing with Haruka. Rin wanted to sing the songs Haruka wrote. The words held raw emotions, emotions that Haruka had hardly ever showed; and Rin loves them.

 

As does he love Haruka.

 

Still having part of his sandwich hanging out of his mouth, Haruka was rumbling through his bag. Rin could hear the crisp sounds of paper, before a stack of paper were pushed in front of him. Picking them up, Rin realizes the scribbles were lyrics.

 

“… Haru?”

 

“I want to sing with you, Rin.” Haruka was looking straight into Rin’s eyes. “I only want to write songs for the group. For us to sing,” Haruka had nibbled at his bottom lip, “For you to sing, Rin.” And for a moment, Rin had wanted to leap over and hug Haruka; to go back with Haruka.

 

“Go back to me having an sparse schedule while both Makoto and you are rushing around for the next work that you have? No thanks,” his eyes were still scanning through the lyrics, but he had decided to put them down. Rin wasn’t going back there, he wasn’t needed.

 

And Haruka knows what Rin was thinking. But Rin was needed. Haruka needs him, and he is going to make sure Rin knows that _(because obviously he doesn’t)_. This, however, was something he was good at.

 

Nanase Haruka was never good at human relationships.

 

He was only friends with Makoto because they grew up together. He was only friends with Rin because it was Rin that approached him _(and suddenly Rin was part of his everyday life)_. “I’m not going to accept any solo jobs anymore, Rin.”

 

“Haru,”

 

“Let me finish. You were the only one that would never stop bugging me to continue writing lyrics, or to continue singing. If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t be here today.” And Haruka had showed Rin one of his rare smiles.

 

Rin knows well that tears were starting to brim in his eyes. His mouth was dry, and his hands were cold. Haruka had just told him that he was _needed_. Not by the company, not the manager, but needed by Nanase Haruka himself.

 

He notices how his chest was lighter, like everything that had bothered him just _disappeared (his worries literally did)_. He had thought that he wouldn’t be needed anymore, that Haruka would just leave him in the dust and forget him. But no, it was the exact opposite.

 

“Damn it, why do you know just what I need to hear, Haru?”

 

“It’s the least I can do, Rin.” He didn’t know when, but Haruka was there by his side, cradling him in a side-hug. It was embarrassing for two grown men to be hugging, but Rin could only chuckle and allow himself to lean his weight against Haruka. “You should just be yourself, Rin.”

 

“I guess brooding over too much isn’t me, huh?”

 

* * *

 

“Today, we are performing a new song!” Cheers were heard throughout the stadium at the announcement that Makoto had made. They were slowly running back to the center stage, “It’s a duet by Haru-chan and Rin. The lyrics are written by Haru-chan, enjoy!”

 

The spot light lit the two figures that were leaning back to back casually at the center stage. With rehearsed synchronicity, they brought the microphone up to their lips, announcing the title of the song, “Real Wave.”

  
The music started and they were lost in the beat of the music.

**Author's Note:**

> a/n: this is churned out at 1:30am while i'm high on beer and milo and i was questioning my sanity. 
> 
> i managed to write rinharu /tears/


End file.
